In which I explore Parenting, Property and Petulance

His ex, who I privately think of as The Harridan, has had hysterics because he opened the front door of THEIR HOUSE (yes, he still jointly owns it and pays half the mortgage) and put a wee giftie inside for his undeserving daughter. He didn't set one foot inside but, cue a lot of abuse and swearing from Mother Harridan and Daughter Harridan (how dare you enter OUR HOUSE etc).

So now she is selling the house and moving to the other side of the county. In the short term this is going to be very very unpleasant, because The Harridan is capable of first class nastiness, not just a bit nasty but spiteful in the extreme, so she is going to make the process and outcome as uncomfortable for us as possible. I can see there are reasons for this, after 20 years together he ran off with a kooky poet, but her spite overtakes everything, including what is best for the children. There is no love lost between their daughter and me but she will be starting the final year of 6th form in September, in what way can it possibly be good for her to be uprooted at this point from the house she's lived in for as long as she can remember?

But who am I to judge, I have just the one child and I'm making a cock up of that. I asked my little boy the other day if I was a good mummy or a bad mummy and he said "bad mummy". This may be because I'd just shouted at him for throwing all the table mats and coasters all over the floor but it's how I feel a lot of the time, every other sentence starts with "Don't..." and when I'm on my own with him all day I just get frustrated, I don't do enough proper quality time with him on our days together, I just get bogged down in housework and then he starts playing up because I'm not giving him proper attention, who would have thought I'd be so bad at this after all those years desperate for a child?

So unpleasantness ahead with the house sale thing, it's going to get nasty and my partner (who I shall call the BFG) is ill equipped to deal with it, his default position when things go wrong is with his head in the sand sobbing about how much he misses his daughter, which doesn't help to move things forward. So I know there will be stress and after all the crap in January I can only hope our relationship is strong enough to cope. I started this blog because things were really bad and I needed an outlet, they are a lot better now, but I'm not going to pretend I/we have recovered, I'm still really struggling with frequent anxiety attacks and my trust in him has not fully returned.

In the long term I know the house sale will be good for us, if we can get through. We will have A LOT more money, both to live on month to month and to do up our own horrible house. Also if she moves to the other side of the county then contact arrangements with youngest stepson may change, this may be good from my perspective. I do love him (if I say that often enough then it must be true) but he is a very petulant child. Petulance is something you live with in your own child, in other people's children it is irritating.

Petulant child was supposed to be coming on summer holiday with us, but since BFG opened the door of HIS HOUSE The Harridan has changed her mind, there again, how can it be best for her son not to have the opportunity of a summer holiday with his dad? The BFG is a Good Dad, he does not beat or abuse his children, he does not drink or take drugs or commit any illegal activity, he reads stories and does jigsaws and goes on fun walks in all weather (usually to the pub, perhaps I should modify the bit about not drinking), he puts children on his shoulders when they get tired, he gives lots of cuddles, he changes nappies and cleans teeth. He fell in love with a kooky poet, he left and hurt a lot of people, but he has done his best to continue being a good dad, and believe me, Mother and Daughter Harridan have made it pretty difficult for him. They should wise the fuck up, there are a lot worse dads in the world.