Money and ethics

I still have not dealt with the lying thing, which runs thus:

It was Daughter Harridan's 18th birthday in early December. I had made clear to BFG my intention not to get her a present since, having been called a "fucking homewrecking scum" and "psycho bitch" in July I told her not to expect any further birthday or Christmas presents from me or my family until she could treat me with courtesy and respect. To which she replied (and I quote): "you can fuck off I dont want them anyway so get your head out your ass"

Two days before her birthday BFG is looking anxious and saying he hasn't got her anything yet, so, with some internal begrudging, I take pity on him and offer to meet him at Fosse Park one freezing evening, where I spend about 2 - 3 hours of my time helping him choose presents. Not sure exactly how much he spends but it's probably approaching £100. We're broke of course, but it's his money and his daughter, and it's her 18th, so I don't resent it.

However, it now appears the whole "I haven't got her anything" was some kind of ruse for my benefit, since he had in fact bought her a laptop. Without thinking it appropriate to mention it to me.

I haven't been supermarket shopping for a month, because I couldn't afford it. But the cupboards really were completely bare, so I told him I would have to go last weekend. But we hadn't got enough money for food, so we had to move money around in various accounts before I could go food shopping, and the rest went on my credit card.

Despite this, it's not really the money that I'm upset about. It's the lack of openness and honesty.

His foolhardiness in (a) spending that much money on ANYBODY when we don't have enough money coming in to live on, and Christmas approaching fast, and (b) spending that much money on someone who has in no way shape or form behaved in a way that warrants it, sadly fails to surprise me.

However, his dishonesty disappoints me.

Insult to injury? She texted him and told him she didn't think it was ethical to accept the presents as she wasn't in contact with us and felt he had spent too much money on her under the circumstances. He texted back and told her to keep them and enjoy them or take them back and keep the money.

I don't even know where to begin tackling this. I could pretend his son told me about the laptop I suppose, but I don't know where to start. It's eating away at me though, so I know I'll have to say something.